A New Year

Haven't blogged in several months, but figured now that 2025 (and January 2026...) is behind us, it's time for an update.

I've been struggling with creativity since November. That's part of the reason I haven't updated here much. November is always a tough time for me, but 2025 was particularly rough. I lost my dad in 2005 when I was 14. His was the first funeral I ever attended, and 2025 marked 20 years without him. The date loomed over me like a sword waiting to fall and its victim was my creative energy. It took most of my effort to just continue about my days with a modicum of normalcy. But one thing I've learned is that surrounding yourself with people that you love is a sure fire way to make it all a little easier. But I digress.

My work in progress is still that: in progress. After finishing the first draft, I thought that the second draft would be polish. A fresh coat of paint on a solidly built story. What a fool I am! After working with my book coach and slightly overhauling major pieces of my protagonist's back story, the entire novel had to change. The core is the same—a story about finding belonging after letting go of who you thought you were supposed to be—but everything else needed to change. I spent the tail end of 2025 mad at myself for making the choice I did and rebelling looked like no consistent writing routine and focusing on shorter projects instead of the big one.

December, I slowly started getting back into the swing of writing, reminding myself why I love to do it. A class on line level techniques taught me so much about my own voice and style. I wrote a short story I am incredibly proud of that maybe I'll post here someday (I submitted it to a contest and was gutted that it didn't get accepted, so might try to get it accepted elsewhere). And after that was done, I begrudgingly turned my attention back to the big one. I re-outlined it knowing what I now know about the world I've created and the people I created to be in it. The plot got complicated, but I felt good about it. It flowed well; each plot point made sense when looking at the ones on either side of it. My critique partners, on the other hand, did not feel so good about it. And so I found myself at another roadblock. What other people think of the work is not the most important thing, but it is an important thing. If my critique partners, who other than my partner and book coach are most familiar with my work, don't understand the plot, how would a reader get it? Ugh. Defeated again.

Blah blah blah, holidays are busy, yadda yadda, no time to write. Early January I met with my book coach and shared my woes and she was so supportive. We worked through a bunch of things that weren't the outline but affected it and at the end of our meeting, I felt so much better about the choices I made. My book coach even said that she thought the outline made perfect sense and is super solid (she also complimented my writing on a line level which felt good :D). So with renewed confidence, I started writing more consistently again.

And then the United States reared it fascist head and all of a sudden it's February and my creativity is hanging on by a fraying thread. But to be creative in times such as these is resistance in itself. Trust I am also funding and contributing to the resistance in other ways, but I think one of the best things to do in times like these is to dare to be joyful. And writing brings me joy. So I will try my best to continue on. Ideally, I will be querying the big project by the end of the year. Ambitious goal. Doable? Maybe!

Oh look, the people I found belonging with after I let go of who I thought I should be!